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Rewind the clock to May 2017

Unaware to me at the time, I had just entered what I call “the call to adventure” season. Having just been broken up over text half way across the world from a girl that wanted to be high school sweethearts, I felt broken. As it hits me, coming back for my senior year of high school I was faced with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress and eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. From being captain of multiple teams that were national level competitors to now unable to get out of bed in the morning, I was now on the road to nowhere. I didn’t have a plan. All I knew is I was that there was something wrong with me. Or so I thought.

A couple visits to a mental hospital, being arrested during class, suicidal attempts, and years of medication later, I still couldn’t find whatever I was looking for. I was searching for a release from the pain that was encountered so long ago through drugs, alcohol, video games, and porn. It wasn’t until my I saw what I had become over a span of two years to realize who I was becoming, going from captains and making top grades in school to being so weak to get out of bed I was unable to concentrate on anything for more than 5 mins, and I realized that my life needed to change. But this process took time.

By the end of 2019, I came to the realization that I was tired of striving to meet other people’s expectations for me. At the same time, I felt the growing need to respond to God’s life calling. And though I was still thinking I needed more knowledge, God used this time to begin giving me wisdom and healing. As I finished college, I again was lost not knowing where to go — and I finally found hope that there was a path for me. I found temporary comfort in the gym and running, but it wasn’t enough to fill the void of life. But over time, through my own the process of healing, changing and growing, I realized “the right path” is actually a mindset.